I started writing this post about the new year when it was actually the start of the new year.  Now we are closer to the next month than the start of 2015.  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of events. From traveling from Hawaii, to California, then to New York,  juggling personal and professional life, and dealing with losses and loves, the month has set the tone for the upcoming year. More on all these things later, but first here’s what I started to say:

The new year is finally here. Two weeks deep in to 2015 and finally time to pause to write about what I hope this year will bring. I am not making any resolutions, but things I need to remind myself to do as I live out this year. They are the three B’s–Balance, Be warm, Breakdown.

I didn’t get far enough to explain what I meant by the three B’s but now I can. Although the days have passed these thougthts are still true. If anything, even more than I did when I first started writing them.

Balance: The work/life balance, the digital/analog balance, the sleep,/no sleep balance. These are a few things that have thrown me off-balance in the past. I am constantly on my computer, constantly connected to the digital world. The  phone can be so limiting to personal interaction and this year I want to make sure I am more aware of when I am guilty of this. If I ask for attention, I deserve to also give attention. I also want to be give attention to my work, but remember to play. I feel fortunate that I enjoy what I do everyday. As a designer I am challenged by new projects but I also need time to explore, wander and release. Whether it’s trips to the gym, aimless walks through the city, or chatting with friends on the phone, I need these things to let my mind breathe. I have a history of not sleeping much, or at least sleeping at odd times. I’m not as young as I was last year, and I know I don’t have many years I can do this, so I’m going to stay up late now. Not forever, just right now, while I can balance it well with the rest of my life.

Be warm: I’m guilty of sometimes being cold. I don’t mean to do it, and I don’t want to be known of it.  Growing up we were not the “warm and fuzzy” family that told each other “I love you” all the time. Honestly, when  we did, it was a lot of weird. I was the baby of family, who got picked on, constantly. As much as I took from my older brother and sister, they never had to tell me they loved me, I knew they did. I grew up knowing that the people who loved me, loved me. There was an understanding that you showed your loyalty, love and affection to each other by what you did for them.  I sometimes feel weird when people compliment me.  My response may sometimes be cold, but I need to try and be warm. I don’t just want to be warm on the receiving end, but also giving. I’m not Oprah so I’m sorry friends, you’re not getting a free prize package of my 50 favorite things, but instead I can promise I’ll be there for you as you’ll be there for me. I think I’ve finally lit the gas stove for some people (because we all know I struggle daily with that #lifewithanelectricstove) but bear with me as it goes from cold to warm.

Breakdown:  In our own ways, we build walls to protect ourselves. Barriers to entry. China built the Great Wall to stop people from coming in because why not. You build walls and fences around your house to keep the bad guys out, you build dams to direct water a certain way for a purpose. As I’ve built up my own walls to direct myself into a certain direction, protect myself from evils, and get lost in my own world, it might be time to break some of those down. In the past few years I have done so much in my barricade. I blindly moved to a new city, I went to grad school, I met so many new friends that I now can’t imagine life without.  We really started Matsumoto Studio, and we are slowly seeing our dreams become a reality. Now with so many things in place maybe some things need to be left to chance again. As hard as it was to focus and create walls, it’s time to break them down again and rebuild the pieces in a different way. Not sure what that might be, but I’m always down for some creative construction.

So as 1/12 of 2015 is slowly closing in upon us, I got 11 more months to see where the three B’s take me. Nothing is for certain and nothing is set in stone–things change daily as I open my e-mail. I hope to write more as I find balance in what I do and be warm to myself and others while breaking down the barriers I’ve made or come across in this year. I’m going to continue to do what I love and forever put trust in the process. That’s brought me here so far and there are many more miles to go.

2014 has been a lot of trial, error, and success. With trial and error you learn. You learn what works an what doesn’t. Eventually you hope that you find something that works. Although my year in blogging didn’t work as seamlessly as planned, (even the last month of 2014 went with weeks no posts!) I want to change that for next year. I’ll give it another try and hope for success.

December 31 is just another day of the year, but really it’s the start of something really big—2015. It is also a day to think about everything that has happened in 2014. Everything from being surrounded with great friends, the growing small business Matsumoto Studio, and figuring out my career path has been trial, error and success this year. I have become more aware of my surroundings and how my actions elicit reactions. I have learned when to shut my mouth but also when I should stand up for what I think is right. There are battles worth fighting and others that worth forgetting. I can’t be there for everyone all the time, but I can try my best to be the best when I can.

As the day ends and and we get ready for food, fireworks and fun with the fam, we also get ready for a new year. Another year of trial, error, but mostly success. Happy New Year!

The Christmas rush is well underway. The last few days have been a whirlwind of events. The missing days from the blog are an indication of just how crazy things have been. Major life changes have occurred. I celebrated friends getting married and friends who are moving on. I made new friends and once again, reconnected with old ones. I’ve been in three states in three days. As I write this note, 10,000 feet in the air somewhere above the Pacific Ocean I am anxious and ready to go home for the holidays.

I know once I get there it will be a whole different rush. I am excited to see my family and friends. I have a very loveable and demanding Grandma waiting for me and lots of questions will be asked and answered. We have holiday cookies to bake and family dinners to make. I’ve been running on little sleep. I don’t expect that to change much once this plane touches down on Maui, but I do expect to enjoy every minute of it. I am always crushing on Maui, and I am in love with the idea that I will spend the last days of 2014 here:

Back in March, Jes and I found ourselves at home to celebrate G-Flo’s 87th Birthday. This year, more than ever, we have found our way home at the same time, for some time. This has all been thanks to Matsumoto Studio. Although we are in different places during the majority of the year, Matsumoto Studio, is the one thing that brings us together. Growing up five years apart, our age difference meant we were interested in different things. Now, that we are both older, we share so many similarities. We may have spent many years doing different things but at some point, they all collided.

Matsumoto Studio is just beginning. We are just at the shore getting our feet wet with the crashing waves waiting to jump in to the big ocean. Our similarities have become a strength for our sisterhood and now a small business. I am lucky to share something  with someone so close to me. We are sisters, so we have our moments, but it also means we have something special. We think similar things but differently enough to challenge, grow and push each other to be our best. That’s the best thing I could ask for in a partnership, better yet, a sisterhood.

One more week and I’ll be back here, on Maui.  Amazing that this place is what I call home. Maui made me. The more years I grow up, the more years I spend away from home, I  realize how Maui–the people, the community, the lifestyle–made me who I am.  Now I live in a place that could  not be more opposite than my hometown. The island of Maui has a population of 145,000 and New York City has one of 8.4 Million. Maui’s tallest building in sight is only eight floors high, while New York City’s is 104. With all these contrasts there is something that Maui has taught me that has been useful in New York–patience.

In a city where you share all your space with everyone, friend, neighbor, unwanted or wanted stranger, you also have to learn patience. When the lines to check out a the Trader Joe’s wraps around the store, or the subway platform is compacted with busy commuters trying to make it home, sometimes you have to learn to wait. When a subway car comes and it is packed with people, you let it go and the next will arrive a little more empty. In New York, many things come at an instant and many do not.  People bump you, but usually not on purpose. There simply is not enough space for everyone. Today I waited in a very annoyingly long Post Office line. Thankfully it moved pretty quickly, but the woman behind me thought otherwise. In this moment she could have practiced more patience. If I let all these little moments bother me, I would be fed up with New York. Instead, I have to think that it’s just how it is and I need to get used to that.

Maui is the rock (literally and figuratively) that keeps me grounded in this fast paced life. I think about home while being away from home and how each step of my journey on and off the rock, has made me who I am. Well, next week, I’ll be back on it. I really can’t wait to be there, so until then I’ll just have to practice my patience.

Success is often defined by the money in a bank account, letters after your name (like PHD, which I’ll most likely never be), or maybe even who you know (Taylor Swift). While I don’t believe that money will make you eternally happy (although, it definitely helps along the way) I believe success will. However a person defines what makes them successful is up to him or her, and is the measure to figure out when success has been achieved. For me, right now,  I think it comes down to two words–SUCK LESS.

I want to suck less at whatever it was I was doing before. I believe in working hard and gaining skill. If I try my best to learn, I will. Doing new things will put me in new positions and opportunities for different things. I will be sucking less than I the me that didn’t know those skills before.  No one wants to work with or hang out with someone who sucks. So if you are sucking less, this also should not  be a problem. I think I am already sucking less than the me of a few years ago. Maybe even the me of a month ago. Sucking less will eventually bring success. I don’t expect to be a billionaire (but as Bruno Mars said, I want to be one, so freaking bad) or friends with billionaires , but I do expect to feel success in the accomplishments I make. I do feel accomplished. I have set goals and met them, but now there are more goals to set. More things to suck less at and be better at doing. Good thing I don’t plan on being an octopus because their job is to basically, well, to suck.

The long hours, late nights, and risks are all steps towards success. Success doesn’t happen over night, or over a few months. Maybe it will take me years to find success. There are days when I feel like I am killing it at life, like when I walk to the subway and there train is approaching the station withins seconds, and right there, that’s success. Everything went the way I wanted it to or better. I can’t always  control what will happen every step of the way, but I can definitely try my best, to suck less.

Ono aka delicious eats on Maui.

Ocean, sand, and rocks.

Hike up 1,000 feet, find a cross, native plants, and a beautiful view.

Beach all morning at Ulua Beach. I have a sun burn to prove it.

Fresh cut flowers and color combos.

Today was one of those lovely days that you could see every shade of blue in the ocean.