I started writing this post about the new year when it was actually the start of the new year.  Now we are closer to the next month than the start of 2015.  The past few weeks have been a whirlwind of events. From traveling from Hawaii, to California, then to New York,  juggling personal and professional life, and dealing with losses and loves, the month has set the tone for the upcoming year. More on all these things later, but first here’s what I started to say:

The new year is finally here. Two weeks deep in to 2015 and finally time to pause to write about what I hope this year will bring. I am not making any resolutions, but things I need to remind myself to do as I live out this year. They are the three B’s–Balance, Be warm, Breakdown.

I didn’t get far enough to explain what I meant by the three B’s but now I can. Although the days have passed these thougthts are still true. If anything, even more than I did when I first started writing them.

Balance: The work/life balance, the digital/analog balance, the sleep,/no sleep balance. These are a few things that have thrown me off-balance in the past. I am constantly on my computer, constantly connected to the digital world. The  phone can be so limiting to personal interaction and this year I want to make sure I am more aware of when I am guilty of this. If I ask for attention, I deserve to also give attention. I also want to be give attention to my work, but remember to play. I feel fortunate that I enjoy what I do everyday. As a designer I am challenged by new projects but I also need time to explore, wander and release. Whether it’s trips to the gym, aimless walks through the city, or chatting with friends on the phone, I need these things to let my mind breathe. I have a history of not sleeping much, or at least sleeping at odd times. I’m not as young as I was last year, and I know I don’t have many years I can do this, so I’m going to stay up late now. Not forever, just right now, while I can balance it well with the rest of my life.

Be warm: I’m guilty of sometimes being cold. I don’t mean to do it, and I don’t want to be known of it.  Growing up we were not the “warm and fuzzy” family that told each other “I love you” all the time. Honestly, when  we did, it was a lot of weird. I was the baby of family, who got picked on, constantly. As much as I took from my older brother and sister, they never had to tell me they loved me, I knew they did. I grew up knowing that the people who loved me, loved me. There was an understanding that you showed your loyalty, love and affection to each other by what you did for them.  I sometimes feel weird when people compliment me.  My response may sometimes be cold, but I need to try and be warm. I don’t just want to be warm on the receiving end, but also giving. I’m not Oprah so I’m sorry friends, you’re not getting a free prize package of my 50 favorite things, but instead I can promise I’ll be there for you as you’ll be there for me. I think I’ve finally lit the gas stove for some people (because we all know I struggle daily with that #lifewithanelectricstove) but bear with me as it goes from cold to warm.

Breakdown:  In our own ways, we build walls to protect ourselves. Barriers to entry. China built the Great Wall to stop people from coming in because why not. You build walls and fences around your house to keep the bad guys out, you build dams to direct water a certain way for a purpose. As I’ve built up my own walls to direct myself into a certain direction, protect myself from evils, and get lost in my own world, it might be time to break some of those down. In the past few years I have done so much in my barricade. I blindly moved to a new city, I went to grad school, I met so many new friends that I now can’t imagine life without.  We really started Matsumoto Studio, and we are slowly seeing our dreams become a reality. Now with so many things in place maybe some things need to be left to chance again. As hard as it was to focus and create walls, it’s time to break them down again and rebuild the pieces in a different way. Not sure what that might be, but I’m always down for some creative construction.

So as 1/12 of 2015 is slowly closing in upon us, I got 11 more months to see where the three B’s take me. Nothing is for certain and nothing is set in stone–things change daily as I open my e-mail. I hope to write more as I find balance in what I do and be warm to myself and others while breaking down the barriers I’ve made or come across in this year. I’m going to continue to do what I love and forever put trust in the process. That’s brought me here so far and there are many more miles to go.